What If? #10 After Enlitenment

If "after enlightenment the dishes" then perhaps it would behoove Us to revisit reality 3UR/3SD. You remember don’t You? The reality where the dishes are the sentient beings and people are ornaments. Hi Will Platter here, how Ya’ doin’? So very good to be read by You again!
For those of You just joining Our broadcast, We come to You from somewhere inside Your mind. For those of You who wish to be ketchuped on the goings on in3UR/3SD it has been a busy few weeks.
Old Miss Teapot is spending a lot of thought imagining what it would be like if she believed in magik and could let the Wizard Plate heal her chipped lid with his super-glue. It is very appealing to her! Little Johnny Saucer is being very supportive and encouraging. I’m not at all sure if he is acting out of concern for Miss Teapot or simply desirous of actually seeing Magik work! I must admit, I would thoroughly enjoy seeing this myself.
I have been contemplating making another career move. I may gradually give up my wholesale business and make the transition to philosopher. I just can not decide on what stone to claim for my own. Please don’t tell any of the other Platters or my in-laws of this. I really feel it should come from me, not an outsider. I appreciate your co-operation.
By the way, I accepted a one-time request to return to my old profession. I made a people arrangement to decorate the base of an ice carving. It was a challenge, not to mention lots of fun! I chose to use little people so as not to obscure the lovely ice carving. These little people looked so playful and full of mischief I could hardly resist trying to wake them. I dressed them in a variety of colors and fabrics, different caps and gowns, what a delight it was to play this role again. (I even gave one little girl ruby slippers and a small dog.)
The ice carving? Oh it was a wonderful rendition of "three stars to the right and straight on ‘til morning." I do so envy the artist that has such talent. If only I had a gift like that. My arrangement looked rather lost beneath this grandeur. In fact if not for having placed several girls in the mix, my silly arrangement looked like it should have been titled "the lost boys", I was almost ashamed! Oh well, maybe I, Will Platter, will do better as a philosopher (with or without a stone).
Perhaps I’ll even write a song, call it "If I only had a stone". I’m trying to imagine the lion, scarecrow and woodsman singing "if I only had a stone". Maybe not? Here, what do you think of this?
If I had a stone, I’d get stoned in the morning. I’d get stoned in the evening, all over this land. I’d get stoned over danger, I’d get stoned about warning, I’d get stoned about the love between the Platters and the Saucers a-l-l over this land.
Oh yah, eat your heart out PeterPaul!
I almost forgot to mention that the Wizard Plate had some people escape. I can’t imagine why. He really took quite excellent care of them. They were out reeking havoc across the countryside and demanding "safe passage" somewhere. Whatever that means?
I asked the Wizard Plate what "safe passage" meant. I said "Help Mr. Wizard."
He said "safe passage" didn’t mean anything to us. I already knew that which is why I think I should be a philosopher. If I had super-glue I could probably be a wizard!
Apparently, where the people come from there is something called violence. I don’t know how to explain this, it is all so abstract. Well anyway, safe passage is related to violence and that sort of thing. I guess philosophy includes lots of strange relatives.
Where was I? Of course I was here, I knew that!! You know that isn’t what I meant! Why don’t I say what I mean? I did! It’s just that what I said could mean several things and I only meant one of them and if you would stop interrupting Me I could stop forgetting where I am and wouldn’t have to ask where I am. There!
The Teacups are all doing fine and asked Me to send their love and regards.
Regarding what? I don’t know, I assumed you would know. I did not say I was a mind reader.
Have you heard from the Gravyboats recently? I understand they have been on a fishing expedition. I wonder how successful they have been. I could certainly use a nice dinner of poached salmon and calamari.
Did you know the Coffecups are having difficulty espressing themselves? Apparently their Java script has been disabled. Can you imagine? Jake Soupbowl was telling me that their cream had gotten quite frothy over the whole bean affair! I’m trying to picture beans having an affair! Now that would be a piece of magik indeed.
If I believed in magik the beans would have grounds and seeds would have wings!